gorilla on the bridge
The drain is still clogged despite the chemicals I poured down it. I guess not everything can so easily seep through narrow openings. At least not the way you make me. I want to be hammered, pounded, crammed tightly with you. I want every inch of you. Every ounce of you. Every drop of you. And I want you to breathe, consume, imbibe me entirely. I want me in your lungs. Me in your sight. ...
Was bedeute ich, wenn ich “Ich bin klein- ich will größer sein,” sagen? Manchmal schüchterst du mich ein, denn ich bin nicht so konventionell oder kultiviertet. Herausforderungen sind theoretisch gut aber es erinnert mich über ein Projekt zu sein. Ich bin nur- immer, aber nur- mein eigen Projekt. Am meisten bin ich allein fähig. Aber ich will mehr oft fähig lernen. Ich habe keine...
We could do anything at all. Any time at all.
Dream: OxyA is around. I just know somehow he exists. I have been in that silver Infinity G35. Recently. And unknowingly. Alice comes to pick me up from something. A car wash? She is with two male friends. I converse with them and recognize one from grade school. I am in the back seat and I cannot see the driver. I continue talking. At one point I mention that the path to my right was...
i love you dag nabbit ok imma go to bed even though its just me im so happy living in this rightness i have been gifted with with you haw geeeez more days, always more days i like days! frühlingspause! HOORAY liebzes liebzes liebzes sip me all day, im your teaaaacuuppp [“yyyeeeaaahhhh X}~”] obviouslyy i need to go asleeep!!!!!!!!! MWUAH <3 <3 <3 ...
blackpastel h-story hellobye
I drew a lot of curved shapes on a very large white paper. The pink, the brown, the red, the pale blue. Eyes were closed. Mouths were open. That paper was only the dark side of the word I was asked to portray. Nervous, I drew it large. I drew stares and smears and sputum. I drew static. It used to be such physical gibberish. I want to keep it as far away from you as possible. How can I...
I can’t get enough of you. Bathe me in the remnants of fallen walls. Show me everything. I love it all. I’ve never had something like this before, either. I know I’m young. Also old. I’ve never been so willing to join myself, my spirit, with someone else. I’ve never even fathomed being able to say, “I need tenderness,” or “Touch me here,...
You make me change colors from the inside out.
Check your email.
HOLY SHIT i knew there was something else about this date. the irony.
Lax Dream Recall: I am in therapy, talking about you and drawing a tree behind a usual female figure. She seems somewhat accusatory, trying to tell me that I am angry. But I don’t feel angry. Instead, I continue drawing branches on the tree. Then she thinks that I am being defiant, that I will go binge eat after therapy. The thought had not crossed my mind. I tell her about you. She...
whose door is it
Everything is right, save for sleep schedules, which will be adjusted soon enough. I’m happy. I don’t need to trust that happiness, nor do I need to not trust it. All I need to do is absorb it and enjoy it and spread it if I feel inclined. I love the way we share ourselves and value every bit of it. I love your hot breath, your roaming hands, your artful tongue. Your voice sinks...
things of the life
[I translated.] I wake up sore and dreary. This happens. I don’t know why I feel so morose. Something feels wrong. What is it? Everything feels tiring. Everything except for you. Your special contact alleviates this tediousness I feel. It is possible that I am just going through something right now. Despite fluoxetine. Maybe I need to stay home today. Paint. Work on four. Maybe...
Trash Eater With this ambush, trash falls from...
There are things you did to me that I can’t stop thinking about. Things you said. I grow chilled and warm, thinking. I touch.
I draw little boxes on graph paper with cracks in them. Weird moods may produce weird statements, which we wisely avoid. I’m glad we are smart and safe enough to preserve our tired tongues for better days. Although I’m split down the center, there’s a thing or two weighing down one side. That side. Like a glow stick, things have snapped within me but at least now I can see...
To your post: Ditto.
one you can't
The word you cant really read says “puncture”. I’m not entirely sure why. I think “penetrate” would be much more fitting. I told you these needs and standards are dense inside of me. Well, at least the headache is finally gone. I’m in no place to set ultimatums, but I have to wonder where the line is between acceptance and negligence and if you will cross...
leave the dream
I wake up in a knot, im sweating. My nerves are chattering. My head aches. I can’t thnk straight. I’m late. Nonsense fills my head. ”I have to write this down.. before someone else does..” and what I mean is, “I need to type this before I forget it.” I’m shaking. Nauseous. And strangely, what happened in my sleep wasn’t logically as...
Uh-oh. T, fuck. Uh-oh. The metal curves on the end. Too attractive. Discard it. This is the real. I’m all red. Stinging red. Forgiveness, me and others. Shiny pale less pale. Forgiveness.
blame me all you want i owe you nothing your request is an easy one to follow i’ll stay far, far away you two-faced spite distributor. anger. megashitcraptron.
savor savor savor every emotion nervous anxious fluttery happy relieved worried hypothetical excited.. SO EXCITED! ambitious clingy distant balanced musical jumpy cute delighted young old self-conscious reminiscent rapturous horny reluctant slow manic loopy analytical pumped smitten tasty reminiscent… tasty… Such a flavor for lips Such a texture for skin Such a wetness sliding...
extinct tree sap
In my dream we are in a house with white walls, much like mine. We are restraining ourselves and as I am about to leave you push me up against a wall and kiss me. You use every part of your lips to do this, our movements blend well. I bite your lip. You punctuate deeper kissing with lighter kissing and your tongue plays with mine. I am lifted up against the wall, your arms support my entire...
You refuse to zip up. The zipper gets stuck. For now, that’s ok. But once I wear you, if it gets cold outside, I will need to zip you up. There are aspirations underneath my fingernails that I had scratched off of my pupils in times of strict duty. The nails have grown. The aspirations have not gone anywhere. I often think about the exquisite shapes that constitute your face, your...
meet me after dark
caisenmaecila: show me all your scars..
I want to crush it. I can’t crush it. It takes two hands to crush it, that little menthol ball in my cigarette. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Dancing fuck letters. I guess maybe I deceived myself. When I was young, I hated ball sports. I was afraid that the ball would hit me in the face. Because it did. It’s no different now.
before I lose it
In my dream I am walking around my village looking for things to show you. I decide that I will show you the secret mansions. You appear but you are sort of hiding behind a tree, on your phone. Is he on the other line? I don’t know. I realize that I am in it to be in it, as in, this is either going to happen or it isn’t. We go back to the camp house and you are going to meet me...
2fing lft + rt bent hit
hard wobbly i guess im all into it committed, ardent its sad in here i want you with me all the time sickening tonight i sleep on the right side bla bla bla lookin foine. subtle subtle
Today I met a one year old girl named Lyric. Babies help everything. Ironically, I conjured up some of my old lyrics for a new song I am working on. I love it when that works out. The night sadness seems to be back again. Why this time? I hate not having reasons.
fair is fair
Oh gawd. Like, really. Goodness. February 01, 2010- journal I still miss [-]. No contact is really tough. I will endure. I must. But ah, how my thoughts run to that his name. I love his name. I love whispering it, feeling is slide between my lips with vigor each time I release. I love its softness, its texture inside of me. It is scrawled all over my heart and lives deep inside my...
You can know anything you want to.
and im going to bed without a preamble.
spoil this dress for me
This bed is too large for just one. You are so warm. I love the slight pressure on part of me when we stand close. You never need to shy away or pull back. I accept everything. You have tied a knot between my heart and the rest of my body. My body wants to spread for only you. It seems to not be able to release without you. I fear the joy that comes with one thought of you. And yet I...
limitless winds of wakeful
It could have been four minutes, forty minutes, or four hours. I wouldn’t have known the difference. It wouldn’t have made a difference. Nothing was there except soft, acoustic, fragrant us. I was standing inside of you. I was safe. I fit. And I know that I will savor every moment of agony or pleasure because things like this take lifetimes to find. And I know that blocks are...
Trümmer [Debris]- lyrics and translation ...
Many things. Flattened tires, no one else thinks I have flattened tires on this old black car from the 20’s that is mine. My dad thinks only one tire is flat but the one he thinks is flat, isn’t. You meet my family, I introduce you fondly. You are shy with my father and your hair suddenly grows over your face. Someone’s throat is bleeding because he was shot or stabbed. Who...
damn. just. damn. Duracell lets go uh huh. And- happenings are the results of actions and choices.
is something wrong with me
s;fdjklalx;vmd;lfkm;dljrydajrgfl;samdv;lak;lrhijdr’kyg’dlvm;lakmd;lnq;lejyr There is no more fucking floor to vacuum. The dog isn’t even afraid of the droning noises and my vigorous movement. I dreamt that the world was ending. I watched tidal waves destroy houses and bombs explode outside a bedroom window, alone in a crowd. I needed something. I was a child that needed...
soak through cotton
And the lights turn on.
What do the symbols look like in the title? I will find out. I am awake, waking happens sometimes. Hungry. What can I eat? When my eyes open I realize my hips are dancing on their own, like a dog wagging its tail. And then I wonder something, the wagging stops. What if I’m not ample? Sufficient? Flaws. All of it. Fears. I guess I don’t need to worry about it now....