I don’t want to do anything, don’t want to do nothing.
Healing is edgy
perfect for me
I want fuel for art
And fuel for swagger
And I want my skin to be cosseted and mulled over
Time after time after time
I push myself inside out
and the pleasure falls out
Turn it into terms for me
Turn me into terms for you
Behind curtains I ignored, front to back, a man in a suit who wanted to touch me.
I put my fingers to my eyes across the black purple man.
[Work it out together]
And you asked me
“Wasn’t the prior, was?”
[as if you already knew]
And I answered
Do you ever think
you are trying too hard
what you cannot control?
I don’t want him to die, either.
But can’t you see how you drag this out?
The foods, the draining, the pampering.
A good caregiver, granted.
But a better procrastinator.
I love him, too.
But he needs to pass soon. I hate it. I do. But I hate seeing this house turn into an infirmary.
Baby you lay it down and give it to me just right, you do.
So I don’t need to plug my nose to keep you.
I thought you had a sphere
and spheres required such sacrifices.
How can your blood go to two places at once?
how can my troubled face inhibit you so?
Your sphere is different.
I already loved it, but
you are golden.
And it confuses me.
But that’s ok.
I would rather be confused than shrink back into the numbness that sex was born from.
though im not quite there yet.
I am going to out hot the whole fucking world today.
Every time you make me laugh, I am reminded of how much I love you.
Clearly my body thinks it needs to feed another life force because I am so hungry. I remember this from the pill and the patch. And I remember this headache. And this sinky feeling. Though the sinky feeling has diminished quite a bit in the past two hours. That is relieving. Anyhow. Nothing profound to say. Just wanted to complain about being hungry but being too lazy to go downstairs [again] to get more cereal.
Sometimes I just don’t know.
I hope to wake up tomorrow
than I did today.
Though you eased my brain,
my brain hates to be eased.
I wish I knew
what to do
to help this emptiness go by.
I’ve been feeling it through, honoring it, even welcoming it.
So why won’t these emotions talk to me
and tell me where they come from
and what I can do for them?
What a change in just a day.
Maybe somedays one really does just wake up
on the wrong side
he was invisible
but i felt his hand
i let it go
Carve our initials into trees.
I want to do things with you I’ve never done before.